Shakespeare On Love?

Here is an adaptation that I have written. It's considered an adaptation because it's taking the stories that Shakespeare has already written and twisting them a bit. Tell me honestly what you think. I could spend more time on this perfecting it so this is definitely a rough draft. Thanks for your comments!!

Shakespeare On Love?

[Curtain up on a single spotlight CS. Enter Ophelia, dripping wet, from CSR x to CS spotlight. Holds paper, begins to read.]

“Dear Juliet,

I don’t know how you did it, but the first time I had sex with my man, I got pregnant. That’s right, I’m pregnant. I’ve actually hidden it quite well, but sometimes I say things that could give it away, if people would actually pay attention to me. My boyfriend, who is crazy if you didn’t know, almost gave us away once too, claiming that he would have wed me if I hadn’t come to his bed. Thankfully we were alone, seeing as most of the house hold is terrified of him after he STABBED MY FATHER. Yea, like I said, crazy. Oh, and also, he claims to have seen his father walking around the grounds a couple of times. His father is dead. Of course, the guy that knocks me up is the one that looses his mind. Sometimes, he’s really sweet to me, but then he begins speaking nonsense and calling me a whore! It’s enough dealing with the pains and aches and annoyances of having a child growing inside of me, but then having a bipolar nutcase for a boyfriend?! I can’t do it anymore! I don’t want to have this kid, let alone have it by myself or with a father who’s certifiably insane! If you can’t help me, then I have no choice but to throw myself in the pond out behind the castle in the gardens.

Bloatedly Waiting,

Ophelia”

[Ophelia exits CSL. Enter Lady M., with blood on her dress, from CSR x to CS spotlight. Holds paper, begins to read.]

“Dear Juliet,

My husband is an idiot. He has been given a bit of information that could change his life and my life drastically, and definitely for the better! Apparently, he was told by a couple of kooks out in the woods that he was going to become king. The only problem is that there is already a king in place. I personally think our course of action is pretty plain and simple. But my husband is having problems dealing with his conscience and what might happen afterwards. He is such a pansy!! Why am I, the woman, more balsy than the man? Isn’t committing murder like a man’s secret wet dream or something? How did I end up with the guy, with such a promising future, turn out being a paranoid little bitch? I mean, if I’m doing all the work, why should he get to be the ruler of Scotland. Hell, he’s more of a queen than a king.

Married To A Fairy,

Lady Macbeth”

[Lady M. exits CSL. Enter Rosaline, wearing a tight low cut dress and a bouquet of dead roses, from CSR x to CS spotlight. Holds paper, begins to read.]

“Dear Juliet,

Hi. Remember me? I’m the one who Romeo was in love with before you batted your pathetic, squinty little eyes. Also, wasn’t it way past your bedtime when that party started? I mean, you are 13 right? So, that means Romeo was 16? If you weren’t aware, that’s illegal you child whore. Did you know that he was coming to see me that night? Yea, he promised to sneak in to the party to dance with me. But then you had to disobey your father and sneak down to a party that you weren’t suppose to be at in the first place! Thank you for ruining what could have been the best evening of my life. Bitch. So tell me, how was the sex? How did Romeo like your snoring? Yes that’s right. You snore like a bear. That’s not a very attractive quality. Maybe that’s why he rushed out of your bed the next morning so quickly. Afraid of being caught in your bed? Psh! Yea right. Romeo is an idiot. That never would have crossed his mind when a naked girl is lying next to him. The sun coming up was a perfect excuse for him to get the hell away from you for a while. Why did he marry you then? Because you’re so damn pushy!! You had just met him and then you want to marry him within 24 hours?! I don’t mean to be rude, but your relationship was doomed from the beginning. I hope it was worth it. Bitch.

Bitter but Beautiful,

Rosaline”

[Rosaline exits CSL. Enter Petruchio, bruised and bandaged, from CSR x to CS spotlight.]

“Dear Juliet,

Ok, fine. I married my wife for money. Yes, I said that I didn’t care what type of woman she was. But really?! This bitch is crazy!! She is sharp-tongued, quick-tempered, and prone to violence, especially towards those who wish to marry her!! But I may have been late for my own wedding, forced her to move to a different county, starved her of food and sleep, all within the first week of our marriage, but have you ever met my Katherine?! She would sure as hell throw a shoe at your head if you even glanced at her sister when you came to call upon her. What was I thinking? Her father didn’t even give me enough money to pay for the hospital bills that I’m bound to receive….and not my own bills either. The bills of all those poor, unsuspecting men who happen to look at her wrongly as they pass on the street or at the market!

Rethinking,

Petruchio”

[Petruchio exits CSL. Enter Titania, with a handkerchief over her nose, from CSR x to CS spotlight.]

“Dear Juliet,

I fell in love with a man who had an asses head. A half goat half man made this happen. I don’t really feel like any more explanation is needed. I kind of wish my lover would have swallowed poison.

Reason To Be Bitter,

Titania, Queen of the Elves”

[Titania exits CSL. Enter William Shakespeare, wearing traditional garb and carrying a quill, from CSR x to CS spotlight.]

“Dear Juliet,

I hear that you have been getting these letters from other characters that I’ve created and that they are unhappy with their love lives. You say that you are at a loss of what to tell them? Well, why in the world would they write to you and tell you their problems in the first place? I do realize that your story is extremely romantic and for some reason, desired by all of those who hear it. And I guess I do see how people would long for your romance story…minus the ending, of course. Sorry about that. It really had nothing to do with you and Romeo. It had all to do with your idiotic parents and their feud, but back to your letters. You say you don’t know what to tell them? Why not? You of all my characters are the only one who truly understands love!

Love was not placed in the world so that we, ourselves, could experience enjoyment or fulfillment. Love has nothing to do with us. Love has everything to with “them”; our Romeo or our Juliet. It is love only when that other person is more important than us. From what you tell me, each of these letters that you have received is dripping with selfishness. This disgusts me and saddens me. That is not how I meant for love to be portrayed.

Love is meant to be selfless and dangerous and all encompassing. Love was meant to be like yours and poor Romeo’s. Yes, some of my characters have been betrayed and, as they think, ill matched. But that is not the case. Love is about allowing yourself to be hurt, all for the purpose of knowing that person, and being known by, better than anyone else has ever before.

Love is not about beauty. Love is about a connection; bonding with another human and understanding that person with just a simple glance. That one of your affection may be hard to deal with. But love is just that: dealing with someone despite the difficulty and because of that, loving them more and more at the end of each day.

The love that I have written has been lost within the action of my characters. Though love does involve some action, it is more so found in the words. Love is confession of ones inner most thoughts and convictions. It is honest and truthful. Love has nothing to do with outward appearances or assumptions. Love is about connection and honesty and unabated passion. You, of all people, Juliet should know this and understand this without question.

Parting is such sweet sorrow,

W. Shakespeare”

[William Shakespeare places quill in the center of the spotlight and exits CSR. CS spotlight remains on the quill for a few seconds before fading to black.]