My C.S. Lewis

I have never read a book by C.S. Lewis.  So when everyone around me quotes him and raves about him, its magic is lost on me.  Sure, I may have heard one or two quotes by Lewis that I thought were pretty good, but none of them have been life changing for me like they have for some.  My C.S. Lewis would be Brennan Manning, author of The Ragamuffin Gospel.  I love Manning because he is a recovering alcoholic and he admits to it.  He mentions it a few times in his books as examples to emphasize the message he is trying to get across.  He admits his failures and shows his vulnerability.  He admits to being one of the biggest ragamuffins out there.  Each one of his books takes a while to read because there is so much knowledge and wisdom on each page.  I don't have a single book by Brennan Manning that doesn't have a page with something underlined or highlighted in it. 

Today I started reading The Signature of Jesus by Brennan Manning.  The subtitle describes the book as "A path to living a life of holy passion and unreasonable faith."  I've only read the opening word and the first chapter and so far it's awesome!  I've put stars next to a number of lines that I wish to expound on, perhaps in my blog or perhaps in my personal devotion.  One of said starred-lines is as follows:

"However hidden and undramatic your witness may be, I pray the you will be daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, courageous enough to get burnt in the fire, and real enough to help others see that prose is not poetry, speech is not song, and tangibles, visibles, and perishables are not adequate for being signed with the blood of the Lamb." (Manning p. 15-16)

This stood out to me because I've never thought my witness or testimony to be that good.  There really isn't a great story to it.  Simply, a numerously broken life that has been continuously forgiven and revived by God.  But, what Manning is saying is that despite the seemingly boring tale of your convictions and passions, live Christ anyway!  Realize it's ok to make mistakes; use them to teach others and to make yourself stronger.  Take chances with your spirituality no matter what friends you may lose or whose toes you may step on.  And don't belittle yourself to thinking that you are incapable of teaching someone.  If you are a Christian than you are called to live a life that is a testimony of Christ, not a testimony of yourself.  So with every word that you say and every action that you do, teach love and forgiveness.  

In the same chapter, Manning presents two questions:

1) "Why do we so seldom hear in our day what the old lawyer said of John Vianney 1 , "An extraordinary thing happened to me today.  I saw Christ in a man."?

2) "Why don't our contagious joy, enthusiasm, and gratitude infect others with a longing for Christ?" (Manning p.19)

He explains the absence of these questions with this:

"The specter of our actual unbelief persuades us that it is not the experience that is real but, rather, our explanation of the experience.  Our beliefs - which William Blake called 'the mind-forged manacle' - distance us from the grip of personal experience." (Manning p. 20)

Mannings point to fixing this absence of experience is thus:

"Jesus, as the revealer of the Godhead, defines God as love.  In light of this revelation, we have to abandon cankerous, worm-eaten structure of legalism, moralism, and perfectionism that corrupts the Good News into an ethical code rather than a love affair." (Manning p.21)

1 John Vianney: a French parish priest who became a Catholic saint and the patron saint of parish priests

Manning, Brennan. The Signature of Jesus. Multnomah Books. Colorado Springs, Colorado. 1996.

I hate job hunting.

That is all.

A Constant Struggle

So, surprise surprise.  I'm having to deal with the same stupid situation that I've had to deal with for the past 6 years of working at TVR.  My parents, sadly, do not understand the concept of ministry.  

Well, 6 years ago they allowed me to apply to work at camp, but only if I sent out letters for support.  The next summer, again, my parents only let me work at camp because they knew that I was guaranteed a larger amount of money than the first summer.  The sumer after my junior year of high school my parents made me work full time half the summer before I could work at camp.  The next summer, after senior year, I was unable to work at camp due to Europe and summer school.  That was my choice.  But, my parents were very adamant about me not driving to camp during the afternoons or weekends.  

All throughout my freshman year of college, there was constant prodding by my dad about me getting a job.  But, when I would talk to him on the phone, he would say that my number one priority was class.  He considered that my job.   My parents can never make up their mind about what they want me to do!!  So again, towards the end of the year there was the usual argument about me getting a "real" job during the summer.  My parents always tell me, "You're not doing camp this summer."  I never take this very seriously because I always end up working at camp anyway.  But finally, a month before Freshman year was over, my mom said that it was up to me what I do during the summer.  She was tired of arguing with me about it.  So, to make her happy, I did summer school and then I worked at camp.  Everyone was happy.  

Well, it's another year and another argument about what I'm doing this summer.  I've accepted that I'll only ever be able to work at camp for a month because I'm always going to have to do summer school.  But again, all year, my parents bugged me about getting a job.  Just so you know, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET A JOB IN BOONE!  And again, I had a phone conversation with me dad recently where he said that he was fine with me not having a job as long as I was making good grades.  And he made the comment that, "If you can't get hired in Boone anywhere, you'll have to work somewhere, so you may have to work at camp."  That statement said to me that I could let camp know that I could work the month of June.  So I did.  I'm expected to work at camp for 4 weeks in June.  It was a hard decision for me to make because I know how much I do need to get a job and that it would be in my best interest to work in Boone, but I cannot imagine not working at camp this summer.  I would regret it so much at the end of the summer if I wasn't apart of this ministry.  

Well, this is where things get annoying and stressful and just makes me want to cry.  I told my dad a few days ago that I was going to work at camp in June.  He replied with, "You need to get a real job.  There are people getting laid off and your mom is getting 30 days without pay. Our well has run dry."  

I then got a text from my mom saying, "REAL JOB!!! What part of that don't you understand?!"

I didn't respond to either of these texts and I haven't confronted my parents about it.  I leave for Boone in 4 days.  Once I get in Boone I have 2 weeks until Staff Training.  My plan is to try and secure a job for July on campus that I can keep throughout the semester, then still work at camp for June.  I haven't told my parents this.  I figure that once I'm in Boone, they can't really do anything about it.  I always end up working at camp because I tell my parents that I'm working at camp, instead of waiting for their permission.  

What makes me sad is that I can't use any form of spiritual or religious argument with them about why I need to be at camp.  They don't get it.  They never have and they show no interest in ever trying to get it.  It's like they're completely against having anything to do with camp.  I want them to understand why it is such a big part of my life.  After everything I've been through with camp, I continue to be faithful in furthering its ministry.  I understand the command to respect your parents.  But what if doing so takes away from my opportunity to minister?  I feel that I'm being called more strongly toward working at camp and pissing my parents off for a few weeks than staying in Boone and working in a cafeteria or grocery store.  

I just hate how it's always so hard for me to work at camp.  I envy my friends who's parents are thrilled that their kid would want to spend their summer serving others and the Lord.  I just wish my parents could understand how important this is to me.